Apple released an update to iOS, the operating system running on iPhones & iPads, last Monday. Among iOS 12’s new features is the Measure app, which gives people the ability to measure things with their cameras using an “augmented reality” ruler — just point your camera at something and bam! The ruler will measure it. Naturally many people immediately thought about using the Measure app on their penises. But you should know that the Measure app may not be entirely accurate for this kind of measurement.
In one test someone used the Measure app to figure out the dimensions of a picture frame. The frame was 78 centimetres by 101 centimetres, but the app said it was 63 centimetres by 82 centimetres, a nearly 20% difference.
When that same user repeatedly measured a 55-centimetre wooden flute with the Measure app, it gave three different length measurements — 51, 53 and 57 centimetres — each depending on the lighting.
This news comes as a real bummer for guys & girls around the world. Whether you’re insecure or proud of your penis length, odds are that what we’d hoped would be state-of-the-art penis measurement iPhone technology will say your penis is shorter than it actually is! (Which, yeah, could help you catfish guys by adding a few “augmented reality” centimetres, but you wouldn’t do that, would you?)
Perhaps we’ll just have to measure our penises in photographs the old-fashioned way: by comparing them to water bottles, toilet paper tubes and video game controllers. Thanks for nothing, Apple!